Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Pain Within My Heart

I realise that for some visitors to my blog, it could seem strange that I am bringing this up. But this is my little corner of cyberspace after all, and in this instance I’m expressing how I’m feeling at the moment. Your prayers are appreciated, because I’m finding this process incredibly painful. In fact, it’s more painful than past experiences like it.
It’s been three weeks since my girlfriend and I broke up. Although we still communicate (which is good), and still have a good friendship (which is also good), I have to admit and be honest with myself…I miss her!
Since the breakup, we have seen each other twice; once to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (awesome movie), then coffee afterwards, and briefly tonight before I went into a game of Laser Strike (she was just coming out of one). But I want to touch on the movie time. Spending time with her was a blessing, no doubt about that. But the time we did share that day really hit my heart. It made me realise just how much I do miss spending time with her. If I had to be totally honest, my total honesty would then be expressed in two parts. Part one: I want her back! And Part two: I want to get over her!
Just one problem – I can’t have both. With God’s help, I want to be released from the pain that this breakup has brought. I have had many breakups in the past, but none have been as painful as this. Most of the time I have felt the pain straight away, and by this time have gotten over it. But this one has done the reverse, namely that I have been fine in the first two weeks…then it’s hit me hard! And it is hurting me inside. There has been many times as of recent where I’ve wanted to sit down by myself and cry, but I have been unable to. I’m sure one day I will be free from all this, by the power and grace of God. But for the moment, I am in emotional pain. I admit this freely.

Please pray for me, my friends. I need you all! This isn’t a statement of weakness. It is a declaration of need.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Student turned Author?

Today saw the completion of one of my assignments, namely that of my Spirituality for Ministry class.
For this assignment, we (my classmates and I) each had to choose a topic relevant to our own ministry. For me, that meant that I could write on a topic that was close to me. It is a topic I’ve posted here before – Discipleship. In this assignment, I’ve explored four different aspects of Discipleship…
  • As Spirituality (how Discipleship affects the individual)

  • As Community (how Discipleship affects a small group setting)

  • As Evangelism (taking Discipleship to the masses)

  • And as Ecclesiology (how Discipleship affects the Church)
To be quite honest, once I got going I was having an absolute blast writing up this assignment. But I quickly discovered that I was limited to my word count. Instead of my limit of 1500 words, I found myself wanting to write a whole heap more on the subject. Given the choice, I would most likely have written not only more than 1500 words, but explored more than the four points I’ve mentioned. As I’ve said previously: Discipleship is a passion topic for me. But if I’ve found myself wanting – and doing – more than 1500 words, then I’m doing something right!
At some stage in my life, hopefully sooner rather than later, I’d like to write a book on this subject. I’d like to write a book exploring Discipleship in today’s 21st Century Church, look at where things are going right, where things are going wrong, and seek to find a resolute. That’s my plan, but to be honest, I have no idea how to write a book. I know it sounds stupid, but man is it true. I’ve talked to Steve Taylor about writing a book, and his advice for me was to just “write”. I guess things like blogging are great ways to practice my writing skills.
Who knows? There might just be an author in me yet. Watch this space!

Hello to Holidays

So the holidays are finally here…or should I say “holidays”?
For me, “holidays” is best translated as “no lectures”. Rather than attend Bible College today for lectures, I turned up instead to tackle some of my assignments. Currently I have three assignments I need to get written up and handed in by the end of next week. I did have four, but thankfully today saw me chalk up 1-0. Good stuff!
I like holidays. It’s always nice to have a break from the hassles of everyday life, and just be able to take time out. Holidays are also a great opportunity to get working on things you can’t normally do in normal routine. For example, I’ve always wanted to go back to Aimtru for some archery. On the other hand, I also need to refill my ink cartridges. I’ve also got a letter to write to a friend in Northern Ireland, and many other things too.

Y’know, all of a sudden, I have more on my hands than just assignments =)

Friday, September 23, 2005

The 100-Minute Fiasco

I read a report in today’s Press. I had heard about it at my home group, but on page 5 of the World section its own report was to be found. I had expressed concern over it at cell group – briefly – and I make no bones about how I felt about it after reading this news report.
Basically, someone has written The 100-Minute Bible, a Bible – they say – gives the overall message without “the boring bits”. The “boring bits” by their definition, are where genealogies are recorded (Matthew 1, Numbers 1-5 et al.), as well as other areas that one would find ‘boring’. It also shortens parts of the Bible as well.
I have a beef against this, for several reasons…
One, I believe that the true message of the Bible is lost in this 100-Minute rewrite.
Two, the “boring bits” allow transition from one phase to another. For instance, a boring bit would be the genealogy of Noah’s descendants. And let’s face it: there are a lot of kids in Noah’s line. But this allows the reader to trace from Noah to Abraham! Similar genealogies trace from Abraham to Jesus – you get the idea.
Third, I also believe that this Bible has come about as a result of a narcissistic, “impatient” society. By that I mean that society as a whole is bent on getting quick, easy answers now! And this mindset has been transferred onto the Bible, and the Bible has been grossly attacked. I wouldn’t disagree that this 100-Minute Bible is very easy to read, but I would disagree that the original message has been retained. You only need to look at The Message to see what I mean.
Do I sound old-fashioned? Maybe I do. But I would prefer the complete work of the Logos, than settle for a vastly cut-down version of what looks like salvation. If the message – God’s Message - truly has been lost, then this 100-Minute Bible will not provide salvation.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

My Calling, My Issue

Today was probably one of the best classes I’ve had for “Spirituality for Ministry”. In class, we had two different ‘interactive’ components, both of which were similar to the Myers-Briggs indicators we did earlier in the semester. One indicator was on our particular gifting (it wasn’t an exhaustive list, just a basic one), and the other was on our core values. My post is mainly touching on the former.
To my surprise, the gifting indicator was reflective of what I am most passionate about. Rather than be strong in one area, I had two. These were:
  • Teaching

  • Stimulating the Faith of Others
If I had to simplify the second one, I would use the word discipleship. For me, one thing that is so incredibly close to my heart is strengthening fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. For me this is definitely a good thing; it’s as if I have identified my calling (see previous posts). But I was on my way home via the Orbiter bus route, having a chat to God, and this is what came out…

I realise that the Christian walk is far, far bigger than my two gifts. Yet when I look at the world, and see/hear about things like injustice issues, oppression, the poor and needy and the like, I do not feel passionate about these things. Do these issues – and more like them – concern me? For sure! Would I like to do something about them? You bet! Is it an area of passion for me? The answer for me would be ‘no’. Does that make me any less of a committed Christian? I sure hope not.

Your comments are appreciated. How can I – a man incredibly passionate about building up fellow believers – reconcile the bigger picture of Jesus’ commands to His disciples?

Monday, September 19, 2005

Winter Wonderland =D

Isn’t it amazing how much the weather can affect a person? I woke up this morning to the sound of my radio. I heard on the 7am newsreel that Otago had collected quite an amount of snow, and I thought to myself heck, that’s quite close to here. Little did I know that as I entered the bathroom for my morning shower, I glanced out the window and commented to myself that things look a little whiter than usual. I opened the window and to my utter surprise – there it was: snow! Snow snow snow!!!! =D
I love snow. It’s not exactly a regular occurrence to Christchurch. And when it is, it hits the port hills but never hits the ground. Not so today!
Brings back memories of ’92…I hope there’s more to come. Well, at least here in Christchurch. My thoughts and prayers are with the hard-working Farmers – people that could do without this sort of weather during Lambing.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

1 Corinthians 13

I realise that I have given this post a seriously cheesy title. I mean c’mon – we all know exactly what Bible passage that is. But I’ve given this post the title because tonight’s service put a whole new spin on it. And before you read any further, I encourage you to stop reading this, grab your Bible and turn to the verse that the title suggests…

*     *     *     *     *

Tonight I got a bit of a “wake-up” call. I have read this passage more times than I can count on both hands and feet, heard it preached more times than the 20-times table, heard it at many weddings…yet tonight I heard it in a way I have never heard it before. And it made perfect sense.
I’ll be brash: I’ve forgotten my first love. I have gone through my faith as of recent (and parts of late) with a stale love for God, and a stagnant love for the works of His hands – which includes people. Tonight rammed home to my heart that I have had a less-than-optimal Christian life. Sure, I’ve sang my throat dry (as was the case at PK), read my Bible every night, studied the Word at Bible College. Yet…something was missing. Something in my Christian walk wasn’t existent. And tonight it came to me. The incredibly profound truth was at the same time childishly simple! All God has called us to do…is love! We are called to love one another as God loved – and loves – us. Everything else – prophecy, tongues, mercy, helping, discipleship, teaching – stems from the one foundation that will never disappear. And that foundation is love! And it is a foundation that I pray I can make the foundation of my life.

Thank you, O God, for tonight’s message. I needed it…

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Election Day

Today is Election Day – the day that we as New Zealanders get a say in where the country’s going for the next three years.
Priase God that we have the privilege of a Democracy, and that we do actually get to vote! Many countries in the world do not have this system of government (Tonga, North Korea, the 55 Muslim Nations, et al), and for that I give thanks that I as a citizen of New Zealand – and the earth – have the right to vote.
About three hours ago I put my two ticks on the paper, joined by as many as 2.8 million others around the country. I couldn’t help but notice that today took on a seemingly different aura than most other days. That could be because tomorrow’s going to be different, in more ways than one.
Isn’t it funny that two little ticks mean so incredibly much? Isn’t it crazy to think that the two “most powerful” ink splotches are those we stick on the ballot paper?
I myself am not an apt fan or follower of Political Science, but there is one thing that is undeniable: My place in New Zealand is going to be shaped by how the country is run. Be it Labour, National, or even another party you choose, it is their policies and their interests that will be brought not only into government, but outworked in society. We will feel the impact for the next three years.
My advice: vote! We have the choice – please choose to.

"Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you." - Pericles (430 B.C.)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Hearing From God

I am currently in a state of confusion. Not in the sense that I have absolutely no idea of what to do with my life. Nor in the sense that there are a billion things floating around in my head, unable to focus on one single thought. I am confused about how to hear from God.
Some of you reading this post may think that I haven’t enough faith, and so it’s no wonder I cannot hear from him. I’ve had that told to me a couple of times in the distant past. I know from various past experiences in my Christian pilgrimage that I have felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit, or a picture or vision that has seldom failed. But at present, I am confused. And I’ll tell you why…
As most of you know, my girlfriend and I ended our relationship last weekend. Despite breaking up, we both believe that this is the best thing for us, and that the only foolish thing would be to lose the friendship. And believe me – there’s no way I’d ever want to lose that! But since that time, I have felt the Lord speaking to me. I can only describe it as the Lord…yet I have absolutely no idea what He’s trying to tell me. I admit that I lack the discernment able to discover firstly, is it God speaking. And secondly, if it is Him, what is He trying to communicate to me.
It is difficult to express in words exactly what I’m feeling. I think confusion is the best single word I can put down. I know I’m not alone in this – a lot of people would like to know “secrets into hearing from God”. Sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t know any. All I know is that God speaks to people in different ways, and as I have discovered, ways in which are sensitive to the individual. I used “pictures and visions” because that is the primary way I hear from God. Yet this “tugging” has nothing to do with pictures! So I constantly ask to God in prayer: If this is You, what are you trying to tell me?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Where To From Here?

I write this post no longer as a boyfriend of someone, but as a single person, and I guess the title says it all really.
I have had an amazing relationship that I can only describe as God-blessed. It is a shame that things couldn’t have worked out, but I think that the decision to break up is the best decision. I can now only look ahead in front of me and ask: God, what have you got in store for me today? While I would have liked things to have been solved, nonetheless I am now in a unique position to devote my time and energies to worshipping and serving God as a single. Until the day I become a boyfriend of someone, I want to give my time to God, and serve Him with an undivided heart.

That is the answer to my post. That is the where to from here…

Thursday, September 08, 2005

A Serious Rant!

Today I found out that I am – apparently – “intimidating”.
I don’t mean it in the sense that I am the size of a nightclub bouncer, or a Fijian rugby player. Actually, I’m something of a ‘stick’ than a ‘rock’. Let me explain…
I was at College today, the first day I actually made it to College. The previous two days of my College week saw me stuck at home nursing a massive headcold, but thankfully I can say I’m much better. Anyway, I was chatting to someone at College, and she made an interesting comment. She had heard someone else say: “That Ryan knows his Bible…” Now, if I leave it at that, what was said is a compliment. Sadly, she also added that the person who spoke those words was actually intimidated by that. Two things: Firstly, that hurts. While knowing your Bible is probably a very noble thing to be known for, nevertheless it guts me to know that somehow that affects a fellow brother or sister in Christ – for the worse. Why the intimidation? The only reason I “know” the Bible is because for the last four and a half years I have read it, let it soak into my being, let my life be shaped by it, and follow its teachings. What the heck is wrong with that? What’s so sinful about knowing your Bible?
And secondly, it raises the following issue, which originally wasn’t going to be a part of this “rant”, but it’s worth thinking about…

If you saw a Christian who you knew was involved in blatant unchristlike stuff, you would judge him to be a false Christian, right? As Christians, we are expected to follow Jesus, our ultimate example of a perfect and holy God. So you could say we are expected to be perfect. After all, there’s scriptural evidence of this. But here’s the problem, and I have also been labeled this as well! Say you saw a Christian who you knew was living a pure, blameless, holy, perfect life. Would you shake him by the hand and thank God for this example of Christian witness? I dear say you would not! Instead, you would scoff and say something like: Who do YOU think you are? How can you be sooo perfect! We would most likely rebuke him, jealous of his achievement to live out Jesus’ calling of holiness.

My question is: WHY DO WE DO THAT? Why do we stop fellow believers in reaching for perfection? Is it out of our reach? Are we that narrow to think that it can’t be done? If we believe in a God who factioned the universe ex nihilo, worked miracles through ordinary people, came to earth in human form, and worked His Spirit into the Church, then isn’t it reasonable to conceive that it IS possible to live a perfect, blameless life?

So many people would answer with a resounding “no”…

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Headcolds suck

Headcolds! I don’t like them. Never have, never will.
Today was supposed to be me going to College; instead I end up stuck at home because of an illness. Sure, I get the day off and sure, I get to do my own thing. But I don’t like being stuck at home. I have a computer in my room, a TV with video player in the lounge…and I’m bored stiff!
Still, having an illness does have its benefits. For example, you have no choice but to take it nice and slow. You also get to reflect on life, because when you’re involved in the fast-paced game of life it is incredibly hard to reflect “on the run”. So it is with me today: I can’t go fast, so I guess I’m stuck with my lovely headcold until it passes.
Hopefully tomorrow…

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day to you all…well, particularly if you’re a Dad. And speaking of Dads, let’s take time out to thank our Lord and God for being an awesome Father to us.

Happy Fathers Day, God!
Thank you very much for being my Dad over these past four and a half years. Thank you especially that you will continue to be my Dad – you have promised to never leave me, never turn away from me. And if I as much as turn away from you God, you’re always there…waiting for me to come home.
Happy Fathers Day, Heavenly Father.
Amen!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

What A Weekend!

I’ve just returned from what I can only describe as being the time of my life! I went along to Promise Keepers with some friends from College, one of whom had been for many years previous. Despite all that I had been told, PK had to be experienced…and I wasn’t disappointed!
In a time when I needed God the most, God showed up at Promise Keepers. I have never heard anything as special and as sacred as two thousand men, from all walks of life, raise their voice to God. Trust me – it was an incredible atmosphere that our Lord would have easily have wiped tears from His eyes. It was that amazing at PK.
With all that said and done, the tough part of PK begins. I am required to walk in God’s ways and God’s truths. I am required to stand firm against the enemy and prayerfully fight him at all costs. I am required to be accountable to the people close to me who I can trust in times of crises. Why do I say ‘required’? Because if I don’t, I’m gonna drop dead…spiritually. I’ll be picked off like a duck at a shooting gallery if I don’t take a stand!
If there’s one thing I am most certainly carrying with me from PK, it’s this: We Christian Men need to stick together!

Amen!