Full Circle

It has been quite a depressing period for me as of late. I think the above picture sums my present situation brilliantly. Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling like I'm in a position entitled 'Working Hard; Going Nowhere'. Ever Since I graduated from College last year with my degree, I have had one possible opportunity show itself for application of said degree. Unfortunately, the opportunity did not manifest itself into an actual position (which would have seen me become an Associate Pastor at this church), but hey, what did I have to lose by applying? More unfortunate than not getting the position is that the church has not responded to my last email: thanking them for considering me and asking for advice on what could help future ministerial opportunities that arise. Is this what I ought to expect from a Christian body?

That issue aside, I am currently slogging away at my old stomping ground in Sockburn. However, I feel like I have made it to the top of the heap, so to speak; that the position I hold is the highest I can possibly go. And make no mistake - the position itself isn't too glamorous. That being said, with no qualifications (other than my degree), no technical skills, no trades, am I to think that where I am at is going to be my lot in life? That I will forever be stuck working in factories?

As you can see, I am fed up to the hilt with where my life is at the moment. Yes, I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world, and that is something I would never change. But I am fast getting sick and tired of working hard for meagre wages, only to see it frittered away on bills, rent, and the ever-constant rising fuel and grocery costs. Where's the savings? As I'm currently on the minimum wage of $12, that's not a lot of wages to go round for a new family unit, let alone enough to whack off the bills and everything else that rears its fiscal head. It also doesn't help that New Zealand is teetering on the cliffs of Recession. I have found myself wishing with every breath that I was earning a much higher wage - and yet I feel like I lack the skills in order to secure jobs with higher pay packets. With the cost of living growing ever higher, I wish to be able to earn enough to not only knock off the expenses, but to also have a sizable amount saved for the future.

Like the title I've picked for this post, I feel like I've done a full circle in my life. Prior to college, I was in this exact same position. After six months of thinking about where I wanted to go with my life, I ended up at college and attaining my degree. Having done all that over the last three years, I have returned to that familiar question I asked myself long ago: What do I want to do with my life?

When I first asked it, I was a single man; I had the freedom that goes with being single, which enabled me to do some of the things I ended up doing in order to get into college. These days, it's a little harder to come by. I am not only a married man, but I am also the main breadwinner, and without my wage, these bills and the rent would not get paid. I do not have the freedom as I once did to make such decisions. In short, I feel like my fire has gone out. I feel like I'm stuck.

For those with families, my regurgitation of feelings is not an attempt to elevate my position of hardship over those whose needs outweigh my own. Simply put, from my vantage point, I'm voicing the concerns of probably over 80% of the country.