Turning Point

Last night my girlfriend and I were at the flat, and a mate of mine (incidentally her brother) visited and we got chatting. We got into a discussion mainly centered on a conversation I had with a guy I work with. Without going into any great details he offered the opportunity for the three of us to get into a ‘prayer circle’ and just pray about anything that came to mind. After we went round the circle as it were, my mate ventured out on a limb, which forms the rest of this post. Hold onto your hats!
Here’s a question to ponder: Is it possible to hold on to unforgiveness for 17 years, without even knowing it, or knowing why? That was my unconscious position for that length of time, yet during the prayer time my mate was getting what he could only fathom as words from the Lord. Acting on these words, he asked if I was holding onto any unforgiveness toward my Mum. I remained silent, although my eyebrow was raised at this point. When he spoke those words, I hadn’t the slightest idea of what he was talking about. If he was speaking the truth, I thought to myself, then I don’t know what’s going on. To my mind, I was harboring no unforgiveness toward my Mum. But his vision from the Lord continued further; he asked me to picture when I was a little boy. And it is from this point that the night took one heck of a turn! To my mind, I had one – only one – memory of anything ill about my Mum when I was a little boy. When I was six, my parents separated (later years would turn separation into divorce), but at the time I had no idea what was going on. My aforementioned memory of my Mum during that time was her walking out of the house, with me looking outside from the spare room. That was it, my memory. Nothing more. I did not think that this was cause for any unforgiveness, but nonetheless I began to explain this event in my life to the prayer circle.
Then my mate began to ask me questions surrounding it; ‘Where was Jesus in all of this?’ I replied to him, ‘Nowhere’, because at the time I had no knowledge of God, and wouldn’t have any until I was 14. If Jesus was there, I sure didn’t see him. That was more or less my response, so my mate prayed to reveal to me exactly where Jesus was in that situation. Retaining my image of Mum walking out (with me in the spare room), I saw in this vision a man dressed in white standing next to me. His hand covered my eyes, and he said to me: “Your eyes will not see this until the proper time.”  I did not know what that meant, so I confessed this element of my vision. I was asked then to identify the man in white. My answer was plainly obvious, on the level of being asked to put 2 and 2 together. It was  Jesus, and I understood His words. When Mum walked out, I did not understand what was going on. All of this was well above my head; hence my eyes did not see this.  The proper time,  it seems, would either refer to later years revealing to me the why  of the divorce, or to this night.
But throughout this vision I was having, I saw this little boy and Jesus from a third-person perspective.  And the little boy was talking  to Jesus. And as the outsider looking in – the little boy’s future counterpart – I could hear their conversation. The little me was asking Jesus what was going on, and Jesus was replying in words that could have only been from the mouth of the Lord. My six-year old self had many questions, and Jesus answered them all. During this vision, my mate asked me if there were any lies I took on board since the separation, and he asked the Lord to reveal them to me, if I could not see them. And indeed a lie was revealed to me (but for personal reasons I won’t post them here), to which I replied as to what this was. I was then prayer over to have this lie broken, removed, set free from my life. And no sooner had he prayed over me, I did  feel something come off. I did  feel loosened from something.
I write this post because I wish not to forget what happened last night. I felt the power of God in a way I have never felt before, for a long time. God came down and revealed to me an unconscious unforgiveness that I was holding onto. And now I can say that I have been set free from the separation, the lies I held to, the events that would shape me as a result. I have been made new, because God had decided that – through my mate – last night was the proper time.