Relighting The Flame

This particular post that I am about to write - and consequently, you are about to read - has been a long time coming. This post has been a piece of self-reflection that I have been putting off, been running away from. But not now...

I am talking about "The Sims 2", and all its offshoots and expansions. For those who are not familiar with it, The Sims 2 is a computer game. It is a game that I have had on my computer, available to me for recreation, for the past three years. If you continue reading, lock that time frame in mind: Three Years. This time frame is pertinent to the rest of my post.

I wasn't always a player of this computer game. The first time I saw The Sims 2, I was immediately indignant towards it. I thought it to be a complete waste of time. This was many, many years ago, and of course, I wasn't making informed judgments of the game based on my own gameplay. Rather, it was a classic case of "book by its cover".

Halfway through my second year of Bible College, I had the fortune of flatting with someone who had the base game and a couple of its expansions. Figuring that I needed to know what was so special about The Sims, I decided to give it a crack, to give it a fair hearing, so to speak. Instead of reacting the way I did initially, I warmed to the game immediately. To be more frank, the game got a foothold on me, and with no warning at all, I would be spending many waking hours playing this game.

One reason I am writing this "confession" isn't to give you a history of my gaming prowess, but rather to highlight the side effects that came with playing The Sims to the amount that I played it at. During these past three years since starting playing The Sims, I developed depression-like behaviours and symptoms, which would literally sneak up on me and sideline me without any warning for three days at a time. One day I would be, well...me, and overnight I would become emotionally and cognitively paralyzed. Then, after those three days, I would return to normal again. These three-day patterns would come one every three to four weeks. At their most severest, they would come every two weeks.

However, even when I wasn't moving through one of my three-day motions, I would still exhibit anti-social behaviours. If I wasn't studying toward my degree, I would most likely be in front of my computer, playing you-know-what. During this time, I didn't do alot of social stuff with anyone, save at Bible College, and consequently I withdrew. During my three years, playing this game was sapping my social life away. My extroverted nature was being taken from me.

This gaming addiction (what else can it rightfully be called) also affected my work life too. Because of the mood swings I would experience, the times I fell into a depression state would drastically affect my physical health, as well as my emotional health. I took many, many days off work to recouperate, because my motivation hit lower than rock bottom. Such was the emotional paralysis, I didn't get out of bed some days. When I look back on this, I am surprised I stayed at WT without receiving a single written warning.

But that wasn't all that I lost. I have chosen the title for this post on purpose, because I also lost my flame. When I began College, I began with an energy comparable to the number Googol, but after I heavily got into The Sims, that flame suddenly took back seat, until - over time - it wasn't there at all. Playing a computer game snuffed my fire out.

Now, after three long, emotionally crippling years, I have decided to fight back! These last couple of days, I have been ill (not due to any emotional falling), and have had these days off University. Because I have kicked back and tried to relax, I have had a lot of time to think. And I have decided to rip out of my computer any and all trace of The Sims 2. And as I write this, I can proudly say that there is no presence of the game on my computer! And to be completely honest, when I uninstalled the last element of The Sims, it was like a weight left my entire being. And I look forward to the future, knowing that this bloody game isn't going to be a part of it.

Now, I hope you can recall to mind the length of time I asked you to remember (to help you out: Three Years). Some of you might think of me as a sad, little man, because you may be wondering how something like a computer game could do this. Understand this: ANYTHING can become an addiction. It matters not if it is a computer game, or a drug, or anything. Realise that there are people who are addicted to eating, to drinking, to, well...just about anything. In my case, it was a computer game that took so much from me. And yes, I did lack the willpower to prevent it, but that is the core nature of an addiction: you WON'T have the willpower to prevent it. Addictions take people, and it can take people to the very depths of emptiness. That is precisely what The Sims 2 did to my life. Prior to The Sims, I had NO history of any depression or the like.

Three years is a long time to waste on something like playing a computer game. I could easily have funnelled this time into meaningful pursuits, things that actually mean something. I could have learnt a new hobby. I could have really made a good deal of my studies. I could have invested in my friends, my flatmates, my family, and my fiancee (at that time). Instead, I wasted a lot of time, and as a consequence, lost a lot. Now that I am fighting back, I aim to regain control of my life, of my being.

And I hope and pray that my fire be rekindled, that the passion I once held be returned in full measure. And now that I have reclaimed my time, I hope and pray that it be invested into things that matter, things that ought to be invested in, especially my marriage. The last thing my wife needs, is a husband bent on playing stupid computer games.

And that's the last thing I need too. To The Sims, I say...no more!