The Spirit's Sojourner

Encountering Jesus (An Update to 'Relighting The Flame')

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 09:08:00 +0000

Before I begin, yes yes, I realise I have - once again - become sidelined in the world of the blogosphere, taking ages to actually take the time to update my little patch of electronic land. Truth be told, between commitments and high workloads associated with University, and doing what I can to sustain myself in all areas of life, there really isn't all that much I could write.

Until now...for I have something really cool to share with you all, and I hope that inspires.

A couple of posts ago I wrote about an attempt to Relight the Flame, an expose on an admission that I had known all to well. It was a post that outlined a decision that I made four years ago (at the time of writing this post), which spiralled me downward into a cycle of depression, a repercussion of which I am still dealing with even now. But the real plus side to all of that was the decision to scrap all traces of The Sims from my computer, and furthermore, to not play the game ever again! And I can proudly say that I have well and truly kept to my word; The Sims is still off this computer, and I haven't played it since, be it in my home (even when noone else is around - now that's an achievement!) or at somebody elses, the latter of which I have never done and have no intention of doing. And as a bonus, my depressive swings occur fewer times than what they used to, and I look forward to the day when I know that I have been freed from it in its entirety.

I write this post to share with you all something cool that happened at tonight's service at Spreydon. It wasn't about the music; it wasn't about the lighting; it wasn't about the message (but it did make me think long and hard); but instead it was all about one thing: an all-powerful feeling of release, an almost complete forgetfulness of all the worries that I have. And such power could only come from an encounter with Jesus. And even more remarkably, I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I ever had this feeling: I didn't want the Church service to end!

I didn't want the Church service to end! Was I really feeling alright?

For the first time in a bloody long time, I felt carefree. I felt released. I felt energised. I didn't feel ecclesiastically lethargic, nor did I feel cynical, as I admit I had been toward the Church for quite a while. Instead, I felt released from all of that, and just let myself out! I got right into the service tonight, and it felt nothing short of awesome! For the first time for as long as I can remember, I felt fired up about Jesus, about His Kingdom and His Church, about going to and attending services. Hell, I even felt fired up and energised about singing in Church - a phenomenon almost unheard of among males. But I confess - I felt all of that. And man it felt gooooood!

I just wanted to share all that with you. I hope that my encounter with Jesus is something that sows inspiration into you, and I hope that you too encounter Him in ways unimaginable.
A-Men!

We Are Go For Launch!

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:25:00 +0000

As well as my current blog, I have launched a new blog. Without going into too much detail, you can catch it by clicking on the link on my sidebar, under "My Other Blogs".

Relighting The Flame

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:32:00 +0000

This particular post that I am about to write - and consequently, you are about to read - has been a long time coming. This post has been a piece of self-reflection that I have been putting off, been running away from. But not now...

I am talking about "The Sims 2", and all its offshoots and expansions. For those who are not familiar with it, The Sims 2 is a computer game. It is a game that I have had on my computer, available to me for recreation, for the past three years. If you continue reading, lock that time frame in mind: Three Years. This time frame is pertinent to the rest of my post.

I wasn't always a player of this computer game. The first time I saw The Sims 2, I was immediately indignant towards it. I thought it to be a complete waste of time. This was many, many years ago, and of course, I wasn't making informed judgments of the game based on my own gameplay. Rather, it was a classic case of "book by its cover".

Halfway through my second year of Bible College, I had the fortune of flatting with someone who had the base game and a couple of its expansions. Figuring that I needed to know what was so special about The Sims, I decided to give it a crack, to give it a fair hearing, so to speak. Instead of reacting the way I did initially, I warmed to the game immediately. To be more frank, the game got a foothold on me, and with no warning at all, I would be spending many waking hours playing this game.

One reason I am writing this "confession" isn't to give you a history of my gaming prowess, but rather to highlight the side effects that came with playing The Sims to the amount that I played it at. During these past three years since starting playing The Sims, I developed depression-like behaviours and symptoms, which would literally sneak up on me and sideline me without any warning for three days at a time. One day I would be, well...me, and overnight I would become emotionally and cognitively paralyzed. Then, after those three days, I would return to normal again. These three-day patterns would come one every three to four weeks. At their most severest, they would come every two weeks.

However, even when I wasn't moving through one of my three-day motions, I would still exhibit anti-social behaviours. If I wasn't studying toward my degree, I would most likely be in front of my computer, playing you-know-what. During this time, I didn't do alot of social stuff with anyone, save at Bible College, and consequently I withdrew. During my three years, playing this game was sapping my social life away. My extroverted nature was being taken from me.

This gaming addiction (what else can it rightfully be called) also affected my work life too. Because of the mood swings I would experience, the times I fell into a depression state would drastically affect my physical health, as well as my emotional health. I took many, many days off work to recouperate, because my motivation hit lower than rock bottom. Such was the emotional paralysis, I didn't get out of bed some days. When I look back on this, I am surprised I stayed at WT without receiving a single written warning.

But that wasn't all that I lost. I have chosen the title for this post on purpose, because I also lost my flame. When I began College, I began with an energy comparable to the number Googol, but after I heavily got into The Sims, that flame suddenly took back seat, until - over time - it wasn't there at all. Playing a computer game snuffed my fire out.

Now, after three long, emotionally crippling years, I have decided to fight back! These last couple of days, I have been ill (not due to any emotional falling), and have had these days off University. Because I have kicked back and tried to relax, I have had a lot of time to think. And I have decided to rip out of my computer any and all trace of The Sims 2. And as I write this, I can proudly say that there is no presence of the game on my computer! And to be completely honest, when I uninstalled the last element of The Sims, it was like a weight left my entire being. And I look forward to the future, knowing that this bloody game isn't going to be a part of it.

Now, I hope you can recall to mind the length of time I asked you to remember (to help you out: Three Years). Some of you might think of me as a sad, little man, because you may be wondering how something like a computer game could do this. Understand this: ANYTHING can become an addiction. It matters not if it is a computer game, or a drug, or anything. Realise that there are people who are addicted to eating, to drinking, to, well...just about anything. In my case, it was a computer game that took so much from me. And yes, I did lack the willpower to prevent it, but that is the core nature of an addiction: you WON'T have the willpower to prevent it. Addictions take people, and it can take people to the very depths of emptiness. That is precisely what The Sims 2 did to my life. Prior to The Sims, I had NO history of any depression or the like.

Three years is a long time to waste on something like playing a computer game. I could easily have funnelled this time into meaningful pursuits, things that actually mean something. I could have learnt a new hobby. I could have really made a good deal of my studies. I could have invested in my friends, my flatmates, my family, and my fiancee (at that time). Instead, I wasted a lot of time, and as a consequence, lost a lot. Now that I am fighting back, I aim to regain control of my life, of my being.

And I hope and pray that my fire be rekindled, that the passion I once held be returned in full measure. And now that I have reclaimed my time, I hope and pray that it be invested into things that matter, things that ought to be invested in, especially my marriage. The last thing my wife needs, is a husband bent on playing stupid computer games.

And that's the last thing I need too. To The Sims, I say...no more!

Reconciling Justice

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:29:00 +0000

It has been with interest that I have been listening and keeping track of the Sophie Elliot trial. Personally, I cannot for the life of me work out how a person, irrespective of social position, can stab anyone more than 200 times and claim a plea of manslaughter. I can only hope and pray that, in the end, justice will win out, and the Elliot family can gain at least some closure from all of this.

Sometimes, justice is hard to reconcile in light of my walk with Christ. Not that I have had any problem with justice. I certainly think and believe that justice fits into the framework of Christianity quite well. But for me, the problem of reconciling justice to Christianity stems from those who spout a pseudo-unconditional love, whereby it seems to cover EVERYTHING, no matter what 'it' is.

Let me illustrate my last sentence. Suppose it is midnight, and somebody breaks into your house, presumably to plunder your goods. Now you, the erstwhile homeowner, would interpret this scenario - correctly - as a threat to your family. What if the perpetrator also has ill intentions to rape your partner? Would you, in the name of Christlikeness, attempt to witness to this perp on the spot, and, because of the fear of the law, allow the perp to carry out their evil scheme?

I would dear hope that your answer would be a resounding "no". Yet, there are believers out there, albeit with all good intentions, who believe in a type of unconditional love that is actually an unconditional forgiveness. The two are quite, quite different. Unconditional love is loving the person, despite their imperfections. Unconditional forgiveness is the willingness to overlook their imperfections, even if it comes at a cost to ourselves. Of course, a strong Liberal persuasion have asked the question, "Why did Jesus have to go to the Cross? Couldn't God just simply forgive sins?" This is an argument pitting Unconditional Love against Unconditional Forgiveness. The Cross, thank God, honours the former of the two. It also demonstrates that, while love abounds in the nature of God, He cannot simply overlook sin. At the cross, justice triumphs, and also serves to us, His followers, to remind us that God takes sin seriously. So seriously, in fact, that it cost Jesus his life.

Unconditional Forgiveness, conversely, does not honour justice. It says that if a wrong is committed, then reparation will not be made for the wrong. Victims are denied closure, and perpetrators receive the message that they can do whatever they desire, knowing that forgiveness is just around the corner, ready to wipe the slate clean. It says that your partner can be raped, at no cost to the perp, and at a dreadful cost to you and your family.

Thankfully, I love the fact that I have God's unconditional love; for although He loves me just as I am, He will still on a daily basis hold me to account. Love and justice, hand in hand.

Just a few random thoughts. Time for me to head off to bed where it's warm.

Still Alive and Seemingly Well

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 06:05:00 +0000

My good grief, it sure has been awhile since I actually wrote on this thing. To be perfectly honest and frank, it's been a looooooonnnnngggg time since I even thought about the world of the Blogosphere. But, here I am, apparently back again; back behind the keyboard and still typing strong.

What's been happening...let's see...since I graduated from Laidlaw College (formerly Bible College of New Zealand, of which it was called during my tenure), I returned to my old place of employment, Window Treatments, for another small stint of the full-time wage thing. However, this period would only last a year, for during my time back in the WT saddle (whereupon I was 'promoted' to a new position), I got thinking about my future again. Given what I was doing at WT, I didn't want to still be there after five years, having worked hard but gotten absolutely nowhere. So I decided to do something quite spectacular and unprecedented - I quit WT and left for the University of Canterbury.

And, as you can imagine, university commitments have been taking up quite a lot of my time.

As I write this post, I have completed (successfully I believe) my first semester of university, and after this weekend I will be back again for part two of my first year, recommencing my BSc degree with a "healthy" round of:
- Calculus
- Physics (see next paragraph)
- Computer Science
- Statistics
Physics is the surprise subject, given the fact that when I started my degree I didn't plan on continuing in Physics. But after I completed the introductory paper, I found that I loved it, so it became something of an easy choice to make. Watch this space...

Anyways, this is a post letting you all know that I am still out there. Hopefully I can be a bit more prudent in making future posts.

Peace out!

The Question Revisited

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 07:53:00 +0000

A friend that i hadn't seen for a while asked me once "Where are you fellowshipping now?" and i think that's the key in this context. FELLOWSHIP.[1]

Fellowship is the being together and communing with each other, so then if that is fellowship, why call it church??[2]

Having posted a successful Soapbox post earlier, I hadn't anticipated the firestorm of discussion amongst other blogs and (possibly) word of mouth. Having watched the general discussion unfold since that time, I thought it was about time I added in my thoughts to the rather volatile subject of "Church"; namely, What is Church? A word of caution: I believe that this is a rather volatile subject for many for a good reason, and while I believe that part of the argument over what church is has to do with culture, I think the greater slice of the pie goes to...tradition. And here is why I think that...

It is my firm conviction that Christianity is at a crossroads. Here at the beginnings of the twenty-first century, I believe that we are at an exciting point in theological development. In the last century, the world has changed in ways untold, at speeds previous generations would never have thought possible. The world has become more accessible, more open, more conversant than it ever has been, and technology is only going to further this process. Yet for many who live in this time, Church evokes thoughts of mustiness, dryness, boredom, and irrelevancy.

And yet, tradition is what seems to keep the system of church the way it is. We turn up, we sing songs, we sit down to listen to a message, we stand to sing more songs, we leave. Period. This seems to be what most people the world over do, Sunday in, Sunday out. And here's the point: because that's the way church has been done for the past two centuries, why change it? That's Tradition speaking.

Yet here's the paradox: I believe in church. I believe that over two thousand years ago, God revealed Himself in the person of Jesus Christ, and since his existence, the church was founded; not by the Petrine lineage; nor by clever structural systems. But founded by the fact that God became like us. The church - I believe - exists to proclaim all that Christ was and stood for.

That was then. What is it like now? We turn up, we sing songs, we listen to a message, we sing more songs, we leave. Instead of an equipping church, we seem to have, today, a comforting church. Instead of a courageous church, we seem to have a soft church. Go to any church building outside of the West, and we find that it is hazardous to one's health to profess faith in Christ. Go to any church in the West, and the primary aim of Christianity is to keep oneself safe. Do not do anything to hurt or upset the status quo. Do not upset tradition.

[1] See the blog "Its a Rant Jim But Not as We Know It Part II" - http://youraveragechristian.blogspot.com/

[2] ibid.

From The Soapbox #2

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:33:00 +0000

Given the fact that my first Soapbox was an absolute flop, I thought I'd give it another shot...

Below are two images I found on the web. One is of a Sunday church service, and the other is of Coffee Culture at the base of Hackthorne Road. For this episode of From The Soapbox, post a comment outlining these points: Which of the two images looks like church? And...why?

A Most Interesting Question

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 07:54:00 +0000

Imagine this question: Why is it that most people - guys most of all - have absolutely no problem at expressing their excitement at a Rugby match, but seem not to have the same amount of passion for their walk with Christ?

At a recent gathering at a relative's house, this question cropped up in casual conversation between some of those present. I sat in the background, listening (eavesdropping, I guess) as the topic of conversation unfolded. To be fair, I was itching to get my word in, but the opportunity that was knocking initially passed me by. The women discussing this seemed perplexed; I was the opposite.

Let's start with the obvious: the world of sports, stereotypically, is a haven for the male temperament. Be it ball sports or anything involving motors, most guys get a buzz out of seeing their favourite sports team or profiler compete. I have been to many games at the now AMI Stadium cheering on Canterbury. One thing is indisputable: the place ERUPTS when Canterbury score a try!

Now for the guests' question: Why not be passionate about Christ?

That depends on how you want to view the question. Most guys that I know of are passionate about their walk with Christ. However, their way is not necessarily the church's way. In other words, the typical sports-loving male will find God in sports, but not in church. Why? Because the operation of a typical church service seems to be structured more around the women, children, and the elderly. Churches these days are a quiet place to meet God, and ministers the world over have created such an atmosphere. Can you imagine what a crowd 0f rowdy, on fire for Christ Rugby lovers would do? The exact opposite of what is expected behaviour of a church attendee. In short, males by implication are required to leave their manhood at the door. To be rowdy would be to upset the status quo.

I am therefore not the least bit surprised that the women of the gathering were perplexed by this "phenomenon". What they seem to be asking each other is, "Why don't guys seem to worship Christ the way we do?" The answer is obvious: Guys are not expected to. Nor should they be expected to. Yet for some unknown reason, churches and their congregations do.

The Missing Link

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 07:08:00 +0000

Thanks to a good friend down south who lent me a book, and inspired by this post, I thought I would write my thoughts on something that could be described as a problem in today's church as we know it.[1]

Firstly, I have to put these questions out there, before I have a crack at giving my thoughts and opinions on them: Where are all the men? Where are those within the 20-30 age bracket?

Where are all the Men?
On the Sunday just been, I decided to do a little observation at the morning service of my church. My purpose: To check out the demographics of those who were in attendance. Although it was only one service, I noticed that there was a lack of men. Now, there were older men; men of around 50 upwards. But in terms of those within the late 20's to late 30's/early 40's, I was struggling to make a head count. The reasoning behind such an observation?

I recently finished reading the book Why Men Hate Going To Church. Now, with a title like that, you gotta wonder what the author is going on about. What I found, page after page, was nothing more than resonance. As I read through each part and chapter, I continually thought of my own church, and wondered what they have in the way of ministries/programmes (or whatever you want to call them) that men can participate in in order for them to express themselves as men. Now, I'm not talking about things like a weekly Paintball ministry, or Wrestling ministry or things to that effect. But a short flick through my church's (or perhaps, even most churches) web site and, in flicking through the various ministries that operate, one will notice that the roles are more easily defined for women to actively participate in.

Now, some might say that there are plenty of opportunities to serve in the church for men, if only they would get off their butts and apply. While there are grains of truth there, again, I would ask, in such roles could they freely serve as Men? Or do they have to supress all that it means to be male, made in the image of God? In other words, can somebody see a sports-mad publican (not alcoholic) taking care of toddlers in a nursery? Or a North Cantabrian farmer taking part in a bake sale?

In saying this, my church does have a small Men's ministry representation. However, looking at the notices or the site, one would be hard pressed to find out about it. In the seven years I have attended my church, I have heard stuff relating to Men's ministries only three times. Ever. I am also aware that recently that someone whose passionate about Men's ministries (who attends my church also) has tried to build up something of a more overt representation; to get the word out to men that there IS a ministry designed specifically for them! This was over a month ago. Nothing.

Where are all the 20-Somethings?
For me, and countless others, this decade of one's life is probably the most important. It is the age where we as individuals make our life choices. Do we attend University? If we do, what do we study, and how do we fund our study? Who will I get married to? Will I get married at all? What about an OE? What do I want to do with my life?

During this phase of life, it is a time of great decision making, the likes of which determine the outcome of one's entire life. Because it is a time of immense, seismic change in a person (particularly if you throw searching for identity into the mix), such an age group needs people to disciple them, look out for them, mentor them, help them in this turbulent transition. Yet...does such a ministry exist for these aspiring young people within the church? At my church, such a place did exist...but that was many years ago.

I am currently 25 at the time of writing this, and even though most of the above questions have been answered in my own life, I still face constant battles with what else to do with my life. On a plus side, it is a comfort that I am surrounded by awesome friends and the most wonderful woman in the world, to spur me on when things get down. I believe, personally, that something akin to this is needed in the church, if the church wish to be effective in reaching out to this age group, irrespective of gender. With all that happens in those ten years (and boy do they move quickly!), we need people who will guide us on the straight path, neither turning to the left nor to the right.

Notes
[1] I write "as we know it" because, maybe, we as Christians need to rethink our definition of what "church" is. Is it a place where we meet to sing songs, listen to messages, and add a little "I went to Church" checkmark in a box? Or is it something bigger than all of that?

I Am Sith!

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:25:00 +0000

Got a bit adventurous with my video editing software...
Here's a short movie clip of me with a Sith Lightsaber in my lounge. It's a little 'choppy', but for my first real attempt at creating such a video, it's not too shabby, really.
Video Size: 3.75MB

An Update to Full Circle

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:55:00 +0000

Since I wrote my post Full Circle, there have been a couple of developments that have arisen. One involves the University of Canterbury; the other involves Joyce Meyer.

Firstly, even before I wrote Full Circle, I had been frequently visiting the Seek website, checking out possibilities for future jobs. While there is currently nothing on the horizon, it has been good seeing what is out there. Aside from Seek, I have also been frequenting - moreso - the Canterbury University website. I have been going there to check out possibilities in "bettering myself"; getting a further qualification that could pave the way for bigger and better opportunities.

Secondly, my wife and I attended the GirlTalk event at the WestpacTrust Centre on Sunday night. Realising the name of the event (GirlTalk), there were a surprisingly good amount of men in attendance. As well as a fantastic performance by Parachute Band, Joyce Meyer was the keynote speaker. Now, I am quite allergic to anything resembling Pentecostalism [1] (for a number of personal reasons which I won't go into here), and accompanied my wife with a little tinge of apprehension. However, what I found was quite a solid, common sense message that didn't smack of veiled Pentecostalism. While I may be wary with regard to some of the things Pentecostalism claims, I found that I had no need to be wary at GirlTalk. If anything, I found it to be a most fantastic event, and I also managed to bump into some college buddies who attended as well. All in all, it was more than worth it to attend.

[1] Note that I am making a marked distinction between Pentecostalism and those who attend Pentecostal-denominated churches. One day I might write a post explaining why I am not so keen on Pentecostalism.

Christmas Has Come Early!

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:37:00 +0000

Some time ago, I attended a Men's Breakfast organised by the blokes of my church. As these breakfasts usually involve great company and...let's face it...FOOD...I signed up and went. I mean, come on: bacon and eggs, and the rest. What more do I need to say?

Actually, quite a bit. As well as the event being a Men's Breakfast, it was also the chance for the men of the church to get to know our latest acquisition to the Pastoral Team, one Alan Jamieson. On the many occasions I've heard Alan speak, I observe a speaker with a no-nonsense, practical approach to preaching the Word. That is definitely something I do appreciate - getting stuck into not only what the Word is, but what the Word can do in our everyday lives.

But that's not all. During the breakfast, we the men got to "interview" Alan with whatever questions we could come up with. I forget the questions themselves, but I do remember this one thing in particular. Alan spoke of the "feminising" of today's church; a church culture that seems to be better at feeding the women, but not so the men. And he also mentions the book Why Men Hate Going To Church.

And thanks to a very good friend of mine, I now have said publication in my hot little hands. Temporarily mind you, but nevertheless, I have it! And believe me: this book will be heavily devoured.

Ever since Alan mentioned this book, I have wanted to get my hands on this book and read it for myself. Putting Alan's observations aside, I have also been left wondering where the men of the church are. As well as that, I have been pondering this little question, and I wonder if other men have as well. The question is this: How does a man demonstrate his love for Christ...when Christ is himself a man? In other words, how does a man tell another man he loves him? Or what does this love look like manifested in the life of a man?

Full Circle

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 07:45:00 +0000

It has been quite a depressing period for me as of late. I think the above picture sums my present situation brilliantly. Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling like I'm in a position entitled 'Working Hard; Going Nowhere'. Ever Since I graduated from College last year with my degree, I have had one possible opportunity show itself for application of said degree. Unfortunately, the opportunity did not manifest itself into an actual position (which would have seen me become an Associate Pastor at this church), but hey, what did I have to lose by applying? More unfortunate than not getting the position is that the church has not responded to my last email: thanking them for considering me and asking for advice on what could help future ministerial opportunities that arise. Is this what I ought to expect from a Christian body?

That issue aside, I am currently slogging away at my old stomping ground in Sockburn. However, I feel like I have made it to the top of the heap, so to speak; that the position I hold is the highest I can possibly go. And make no mistake - the position itself isn't too glamorous. That being said, with no qualifications (other than my degree), no technical skills, no trades, am I to think that where I am at is going to be my lot in life? That I will forever be stuck working in factories?

As you can see, I am fed up to the hilt with where my life is at the moment. Yes, I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world, and that is something I would never change. But I am fast getting sick and tired of working hard for meagre wages, only to see it frittered away on bills, rent, and the ever-constant rising fuel and grocery costs. Where's the savings? As I'm currently on the minimum wage of $12, that's not a lot of wages to go round for a new family unit, let alone enough to whack off the bills and everything else that rears its fiscal head. It also doesn't help that New Zealand is teetering on the cliffs of Recession. I have found myself wishing with every breath that I was earning a much higher wage - and yet I feel like I lack the skills in order to secure jobs with higher pay packets. With the cost of living growing ever higher, I wish to be able to earn enough to not only knock off the expenses, but to also have a sizable amount saved for the future.

Like the title I've picked for this post, I feel like I've done a full circle in my life. Prior to college, I was in this exact same position. After six months of thinking about where I wanted to go with my life, I ended up at college and attaining my degree. Having done all that over the last three years, I have returned to that familiar question I asked myself long ago: What do I want to do with my life?

When I first asked it, I was a single man; I had the freedom that goes with being single, which enabled me to do some of the things I ended up doing in order to get into college. These days, it's a little harder to come by. I am not only a married man, but I am also the main breadwinner, and without my wage, these bills and the rent would not get paid. I do not have the freedom as I once did to make such decisions. In short, I feel like my fire has gone out. I feel like I'm stuck.

For those with families, my regurgitation of feelings is not an attempt to elevate my position of hardship over those whose needs outweigh my own. Simply put, from my vantage point, I'm voicing the concerns of probably over 80% of the country.

Why Trust the Most Trusted NZers?

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:07:00 +0000

The annual ‘tradition’ of the Readers Digest is back again for 2008; the most Trusted New Zealanders as voted by the general public of this country. With a few similarities to that of the list of 2007, there are some very notable exceptions. Here are my thoughts on this years list of the Most Trusted New Zealanders.

First of all, the number one spot occupied by Corporal Apiata. My initial – and current – response: fantastic! Here’s an individual catapulted into the limelight from relative obscurity for incredible feats wrought with risks in the name of duty. It is no wonder Apiata captured the nation’s #1 place; a man of that proven integrity would earn anyone’s trust, surely.

However, I am utterly confused over the overwhelming majority of the top ten spots being occupied by sportspeople, ranging from Olympians to local ‘heroes’ (McCaw comes to mind). Would anyone out there like to cure me of my scepticism and explain to me how these seven sportspeople earned the ranks of the most trusted? Sure, they worked hard and earned gold medals and sporting accolades; but then again, so have countless others in their sporting careers. Go to any suburban cricket club, and you will find an accolade list of members’ achievements.

I know of, know, and have known many people throughout my life to date. None of them have any medals, gold or otherwise. Not all have achieved tangible sporting rewards, like trophies. None of those who I presently know are celebrities of any kind. But they all have one thing in common, and it is this.

All of these people have earned my trust. Some of these people I would trust even with my own life.

None of these people are on the Most Trusted list, top ten or otherwise. But I would like someone out there to explain to me how a gold medal or a trophy earns the trust of the nation. I can see how the nation can respect and admire those in the top ten for their achievements. I indeed respect and admire them for their achievements in the name of New Zealand, but I personally have no reason to trust them with my life.

Any thoughts out there on this one?

Where Have All The Heroes Gone?

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:18:00 +0000

The other night I was cooking dinner, and the strangest thought popped into my head. For some unknown reason, I got thinking about television programs. More to the point, I got thinking about particular programs I used to watch when I was younger. I'm sure many New Zealanders can recall the TV program Heroes, cataloging stories of heroic deeds performed by ordinary New Zealanders, be it rescuing somebody from a mountaineering expedition gone wrong, or (in one episode) the actions of one who was faced with the Tangiwai disaster.

But that was then. These days, the TV screen, apart from broadcasting the six o' clock news or a Crusaders home game, is replete with programs with either sex or violence as its "vehicle" theme, or programs that run along the genre of "Reality TV". Shows like Big Brother come to mind, and far from showing examples of happy communal living, one is exposed to a myriad of backstabbing, jealousy, cheating, and the like. It is shows such as these that dominate our TV screens on a nightly basis. The main concern is that we viewers thrive off these shows.

My point is this: Where have all the Heroes gone? If television can be portrayed as a mirror of our prevalent culture, then our culture has shifted from praising role models to praising the darker side of the human condition. Ironically, we as people long for somebody to look up to, somebody to emulate in life. Yet if the absence of Heroes is anything to go by, then such role models are nowhere to be found. More sinister is the fact that perhaps we don't want a role model to show us the way. We like watching these reality shows because we thrive off of the misfortunes of others. One need only think of the rat race that is the business world to know what I am referring to.

Our culture has shifted dramatically to echo the words of Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan, who says in the opening lines of Vicarious:

"Eye on the the TV, 'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavour it happens to be, like...
"Killed by the husband"
"Drowned by the ocean"
"Shot by his own son"
"She used a poison in his tea...kissed him goodbye"
That's my kind of story
It's no fun 'til someone dies

Don't look at me like I am a monster
Frown out your one face, But with the other:
Stare like a junkie, into the TV
Stare like a zombie,
While the mother holds her child, watches them die
Hands to the sky crying, "Why, oh why?"

Cause I need to watch things die... from a distance
Vicariously I live while the whole world dies...
YOU ALL NEED IT TOO, DON'T LIE."

Welcome Back...Yet Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 00:21:00 +0000

Hmmm...*thinks*...this is almost becoming something of a habit these days. But nevertheless, here I am - once again - in an attempt to return to the world of the Blogspot!

Since my last post (albeit six months ago), quite a LOT of things have happened in my life. I can explain these changes in a "I am no longer" list. So, here goes...

For starters, I am no longer a swinging seminary student (nice alliteration) of BCNZ. My three years have come and gone; my slogging away at a ministry degree is over, and I have since had my graduation and (finally) wrapped my sore-from-exam-writing fingers around a degree that I have looked forward to for so long. As well as this, I feel a great privilege to have stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the rest of my fellow students; fellow sufferers of the toils of study, who too have slogged away and gained their degrees as well.

I am also no longer a swinging single either. As of about a month ago at the time of writing this, I got married to an incredibly special friend of seven years, and have since set up home (again), this time as somebody's husband (incredible too is the fact that I just typed myself as a 'Husband'). While I am in some ways still getting my bearings around what married life entails, I will readily admit that married life has turned out better than I would ever have expected. Sure, there will be tough times at unexpected turns, but that is fine. Anyone who knows the scope and depth of my friendship with my now wife will know that we will be OK when testing times arrive.

Apart from these two seismic differences in my life, not much else has really changed. I have since returned to my original place of occupation, where I endeavour to think and reflect upon the next stage in my life, particularly with reference to where I wish to apply my degree and my learnings. Until then, I hope to be a bit more frequent with my blogging than I have been in the past.

Ka Kite Ano

Quandaric Honesty

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 09:24:00 +0000

I have had on my heart a bit of a struggle for a while. However, it is only recently that it has come to a head, and I find myself faced with it eyeball-to-eyeball.

For nearly seven years I have been following Jesus, and He has lead me through all sorts of high points and low points, growing me incrementally each and every day (which is all good in my books). However, I have given this post its title because I feel I have a quandary, and yet I must remain up front and honest. So here goes...

My quandary is to do with how I live out my faith and what my "Christianity" looks like. Most people would agree that a large part of Christianity is to 'reach out and save the lost' (citing Matthew 28:20). Still others would agree that Christianity is to do with siding with the poor and the destitute, supporting them and lifting them up. Again others would agree that Christianity is about going into all the world, sending missionaries hand over fist (again Matthew 28:20; Acts 1:8).

My honesty is that "my" Christianity does not look much less feel like that. I do not have a heart for going into all the world, reaching out and saving the lost, and siding with the poor and destitute. Now, what I am not saying is that I am some sort of heartless, compassionless beast. But I want to share with you what I believe is another piece of the Christian jigsaw: Freeing people to be who they truly are.

On that note, who I truly am is not to do with evangelism, missionary endeavour, or going out into areas wrought with poverty. Though I do not ignore these three calls of Christianity, nevertheless who I truly am is in the area of Discipleship: coming alongside the believer and helping them grow in their faith. While some churches are into quantity, I am into quality.

Back to the quandary, the issue is that for the outsider, this might seem like I am not a "real" Christian; that I have a heartless faith and thus not even a true Christian at all. But for me, to enter into the three areas listed previously would seem like "manipulation" to me; becoming something that I am not. Like I said, I do not want to discount evangelism, mission and the poor, and I have the utmost respect for those whose calling lies with them. I am saying that where I am at is an entirely different kettle of fish; that this is who I truly am. This is what my Christianity looks like.

Would love people's thoughts on this one. Let me know what you think, but please do me one small favour...leave your labels behind.

From the Soapbox (Test Match Debut)

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 09:12:00 +0000

For regular visitors, From the Soapbox would seem something of a random thing to stick in a blog...and you would probably be correct. But anywho, From the Soapbox is me coming across a question or an issue, and sticking it up as a post for all to see and discuss. As much as I could write my thoughts on pressing issues (as I often do), I want you guys and gals to share your thoughts with me on Cyberspace, if you wish to do so.

For my first ever From the Soapbox, this is an issue that pulls a lot of heart strings for me. How would you respond to the following quote from Paul Little? Contextual note: The quote is in response to the question of "Wouldn't it be better if God did away with all evil immediately?"

"If God were to stamp out evil today, he would do a complete job. His action would have to include our lies and personal impurities, our lack of love, and our failure to do good. Suppose God were to decree that at midnight tonight all evil would be removed from the universe - who of us would still be here after midnight?"

In Honour of September 11

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 09:24:00 +0000

Six years ago, the face of the world changed;
Six years ago, the world would never be the same.
Six years ago, and it is still firmly lodged in our minds;
Six years ago, and yet it feels like yesterday.

Despite the war on terror that ensued;
Despite the threats of extremism ever looming;
Despite the exchange of words of those in the political realms;
Despite whatever we may make of this horrific tragedy...

Let us never forget
The unity that such a tragedy as this
Brought to humankind.

Even for one day...

Life After College

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 06:55:00 +0000

As I march ever closer toward the completion of my studies, I cannot help but ponder a number of questions. It has been nearly a full three years since I embarked on an academic journey that I never thought I would ever undertake in my life. Nevertheless, here I am, nearly three years on, there is one thing I need to think about, and that is my life after College.

My current plan is this. After the end of November, I plan to return to my current work on a full-time basis. During the time I am at work, I will be using this time to think, reflect, pray, and seek guidance as to the "Where to from here?" question; namely, now that I have this degree, where do I wish to apply myself, ecclesiastically speaking? What Church do I see myself working within? What Church would God have me working within?

At the moment, I feel I need to take a backward step as it were, and examine what changes have occured once I graduate. For at one time, I had no qualification; now I will have slogged three years of my life to attain a Ministry degree, and I feel I need to examine what has changed in my life. I need to seek what new opportunities previously did not exist prior to my studies, and seek prayerful guidance as to what to do with said opportunities. Added to this is the fact that I am getting married in March 2008, so a lot is going to be different in my life, and thus another factor I need to consider.

Much meditation and reflection needed, methinks.

"Good Enough Stand"

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 02:53:00 +0000

What an interesting morning it has been today for ol' me.

Today I had a lecture (on Friday of all days...) for Theology C, but put myself down as an 'explained absentee', due to my paid working commitments at Window Treatments. Unfortunately, neither of these two happened for me - whatever flu bug has been going round Christchurch *finally* found its way to me. And so here I am, at home, blocked, sore, and generally not feeling at all motivated.

So today, stuck at home, I took the chance to finish the upgrades I did to my computer. I bought a new 320GB hard drive to replace my two existing HDDs (totalling a mere 110GB), which meant that I had to reinstall everything. All my Windows XP updates, my antivirus software...everything! Thankfully though, I kept a backup of my 'irreplaceables', especially my BCNZ study stuff. Can't afford to lose those!

In trying to install Norton AntiVirus 2005, I found that I could not activate the software, because I had reached the maximum installations on my antivirus' product key. So I went to their website and entered a live chat session with an 'analyst'; a "Mr. Fix-it" fella, who got me back up and running again.

What I didn't bank on, was the fact that the analyst, whose name is Peter, is a Christian. After going through the processes of activating my software via his instructions, knowing that I have a head cold, he said that I was in his prayers. Touching =)
As a gesture of thanks to his valuable Norton assistance, and because I wanted to, I asked him if there was anything I could pray for. This was his reply, word for word. It's worth thinking about...

"To be good enough stand before when the lord comes in final day."

Such was this reply that I wrote it down on a notepad. And it got me thinking, as I hope it has you thinking also. When was the last time we pondered how we stood before the Lord? Do we even know where we stand? Do we even care where we stand?
I would hope that we do care about our standing before the Lord we serve.

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"

- Matthew 7:21-23 TNIV

The J Man Returneth

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 09:41:00 +0000

My goodness! Where DOES the time go aye? A huge APOLOGY to all those who are (or have been, given the fact that I've either been absent, gone on vacation, or died) frequent visitors to my humble patch of Cyberspace. A lot has been happening in my life; some good, some not so good, and some that are downright depressing. But in any case...here I am, at last, writing again on my little blog spot.

Some good things that have happened in my life, although most people already know them through other means. I've managed to complete semester one of my third and final year more than satisfactorally (to my mind anyhow), and am but three months away from the end of my academic career as a Bachelor's Degree student. Wow, where DOES the time go?

I've also been planning a wedding during this time - yes, that's right, for those who somehow haven't heard, I am engaged =) I have been active in sorting out all the lovely details, both great and small, of what goes into a wedding, and so far there hasn't been very many problems. I sure hope it stays that way; intuition tells me otherwise. Oh well, still all good though.

Some not so good things have been that I've been battling with a sort of "mild depression" over these last three months. Some fellow students may have noticed my absense at college when I should be there for certain lectures. This is due to this mild depression taking my motivation and energy levels to near-zero, and thus leaving me in a sort of paralyzed state. These mild depression moments have come and gone, and seemed to operate on a fortnightly/monthly cycle, lasting for a few days at a time. This depression has made it difficult to live life to the full, especially since I have never in my life had such depression states before. As I write, I write as someone who feels a lot more emotionally stable, as opposed to a month ago, and have been for the last couple of weeks. I hope I can repeat this confident sentence in another couple of months, free from these depression swings.

Other than that, I've been doing the usual college-type stuff: meeting new people, making new friends (hopefully), trying to stay on top of my assessment list, and seeing my degree through to even the bitter end! Roll on graduation; it will be well earned, and I hope I can say that on behalf of everyone I have journeyed with at college.

40 Hour Famine

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 06:15:00 +0000

Phew, it's been awhile since I last posted here. However, before I give an update on how things have been...

This year, I finally get round to doing something that I longed to do for ages...the 40 hour famine! Feel free to catch up with me sometime (if you can) if you'd like to sponser my efforts next weekend, or check out my online famine book at http://www.famine.org.nz/Pastor_J.

In other news, not too much has been happening as of late. I had my birthday on Feb 23, reaching the epoch-making milestone of...24! After a workwide shout of Coupland's savouries, and taking on a suicide level curry at Two Fat Indians (photos of which can be viewed at my Facebook), I could rest assured knowing I had seen 24 in, in style. Anyone who wishes to go to Two Fat Indians, I highly recommend it! And if you're at the Manchester Street one, check out the chalkboard - my name will be up there somewhere =D

My studies have kicked off as of three weeks ago, and the "honeymoon period" is over. In other words, it's head-down, bum-up time! Now that I've scraped into my final year of my degree, I've got every incentive to finish it. As much as I intend on graduating next year, I know it's going to be an uphill battle. But one which I intend to win...

It's Not Worth It

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 23:56:00 +0000

Recently, a couple of cool things happened to me. I thought I’d share one of them. There’s probably a lesson in here for each of us, as there definitely was with me. For those of you who think God doesn’t speak when you’re on the job, think again…

I was at work a couple of weeks ago, and was asked to shift a whole lot of boxes and cardboard tubes around on shelves, each containing roller fabric. I had to dispose of the empty boxes and arrange the full boxes/tubes. Now, had I known I would end up shifting 1.5 tonnes of roller fabric, I probably would have asked for help. But I managed to get it all done – yay me.
Not long after I had started, one of the office staff came down and asked me to arrange the boxes in order of fabric types, to make it easier for her to search and find them. I wasn’t in the mood for orderly arrangement; I was asked to shift these boxes – 30kg a piece – to a new location to make way for incoming product. In fact, I was wild enough to stop what I was doing, and look for the supervisor that asked me to shift the boxes in the first place, so that he could veto the office worker’s “decision”. I got roughly ¼ of the way, when a voice said to me, “It’s not worth it.”
I stopped walking.
“It’s not worth it.”
I turned around, went back to my lovely, heavy roller fabric, and went about my task, arranging the fabric as well. All I could say in reply was, “You’re right, Lord.”

When I look back on that incident, I can see that I did the right thing in the end. To be honest, when I was told to move the fabric in order, I did get wild (within myself). I was asked to do a job by someone, and then somebody else from the outside thought they could ‘change the rules’, as it were. It is no wonder why I stormed away from the boxes and sought out my supervisor. It is no wonder the Lord stepped in and quelled my anger. You see, I wanted out of anger, possibly out of a revenge motive for this decision to be vetoed. But I was told, “It’s not worth it”. And it’s not. I could very easily have asked my supervisor to overturn the office worker’s decision, and thus I could have continued with my task unphased. But I probably would have lost the trust of a fellow worker.
The Lord was right. It is not worth it. I’m glad I turned back and went about my business. For all I know, it probably saved a lot of hardship later on.

Finally...!

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor J) — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 00:59:00 +0000

That's right folks! After years of putting it off, for numerous reasons, I finally took the plunge and as of Thursday 28 December, 2006, I entered the Drivers License Community. I passed my Learner's 33/35 (which is a pass for any class license of your choice, but I only went for the Class 1).
Look out roads...!